The Praises of Rabbi Nachman 11-13

HH

Shivchay Huran

11-13

11. And some times he would be speaking before Hashem Yisburach words of beseeching and supplication from his heart and it occurred to him while he was speaking nice arguments and fitting and articulate prayers, and they were good in his eyes and he would write them to have by him to remember, in order that he could also pray them frequently afterwards. And so he was accustomed in this matter to speak between himself and his Creator very very copiously, and all the prayers were that he should merit to draw close to Hashem Yisburach, and he had great arguments to Hashem Yisburach on this.

12. ‎And even still it seemed to him always that he was not being looked at at all and he was not being heard at all, just on the contrary, it seemed to him that he was being alienated from His service blessed He with all types of alienation as if he was not desired at all whatsoever. Because he would see the changing and passing of many many days and years and he was still distant from a Hashem Yisburach, and still had not merited to be drawn any closer, therefore it seemed in his eyes that his words were not being heard at all and absolutely no attention was being given to him, just on the contrary, he was being alienated with all types of alienation from His service blessed He. But even still he would strengthen himself tremendously and would not leave his place. And there were times that he was disheartened because he saw that he prays, pleads, and implores so much that he should be drawn close to the service of Hashem Yisburach but was not looked upon at all, and because of this he fell sometimes disheartened and he would not speak so much between himself and his Creator for some days. Afterwards he would be conscious of himself and would be embarrassed of himself that he suspected His attributes/conduct blessed He, because in reality certainly Hashem Yisburach is gracious and merciful etc. and certainly He desires to draw him close etc. and he returned and strengthened his resolve, and he began again to plead and speak before Hashem Yisburach as mentioned above. And so it was many times.

13. And he would do all types of simple devotions of service of Hashem without any smarts ("chuchmos") and all with great secrecy/modesty. And immediately upon going outside he would purposely do all types of childish things, all types of silliness and prancing and other similar things (which are called in Yiddish far shaitkait) until it was not possible for it to occur to anyone that he desired the service of Hashem.

And in the beginning in his childhood he was accustomed to taking some large coins and he would change them for small ones, and he would enter the synagogue secretly through the window and so forth and he took with him the book "Shaaray (gates of) Tzion (Zion)," and he would say the lishaim (for the sake of) yichud (unification) for doing a mitzva (a declaration stating one's intent in doing the deed is for the sake Heaven to unify the Divine Names with proper fulfillment of the deed with love and fear and in the name of all of Israel), and he took one small coin and threw it into the "matan (given) bisaiser (in secrecy) (i.e. a charity box designated as such)." And afterwards he made himself as if he was abstracted from it, and afterwards he returned and said the aforementioned lishaim yichud and returned and threw one penny into the "matan bisaiser." And so he returned and did many times until he threw all the pennies into the "matan bisaiser," and upon every single penny he said the aforementioned lishaim yichud. And his intention was in order to do many mitzvos, because his devotion was with absolute simplicity without any smarts ("chuchmos")  whatsoever.

And similarly he would do and serve Hashem Yisburach with all types of absolutely simple devotions without any smarts (-chuchmos) whatsoever, even though in reality he was enormously wise with very extreme superlative wisdom even in his childhood and in his youth as was widely known to all who knew him, even still he did not use any smarts whatsoever in the service of Hashem and was just accustomed to doing all the simple devotions of the world. That is, studying a lot of Torah, good deeds, and abundant prayers and supplications, and very abundant hisbodidus, to speak and express his words before Him blessed He as mentioned above, and so forth. And this was his essential phenomenally great wisdom, because from his utter superlative wisdom he merited immediately to this wisdom that no wisdom whatsoever is necessary for the service of Hashem. Because this is the fundamental greatest wisdom of all (as is explained in our words many times), not to be smart at all in the service of Hashem, just (to conduct) with unfeigned wholeheartedness and simplicity without any smarts (-chuchmos) whatsoever.

Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman