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Thursday, May 17, 2018

Prayer to merit to hisbodidus - Collection of Prayers, volume 2, Prayer 22 -

HH

Likutay Tefilos 2:2



“A pauper’s prayer when he is overwhelmed, and before Hashem he pours out his words (Psalms 102:1).” Master of the Universe, help me express all my words before You every day and at all times always. And merit me, and save me, that I should merit to abound in conversation between myself and my Creator, until I merit to spend most of the day and the night on this enterprise, all the days of my life. And have mercy on me, and open my mouth every time, and send me true and holy words from Your holy abode, from the Heavens, to supplicate, and to pray, and to beseech from before You for my soul, at all times, with new words. And help me always to abound in supplication, with words of appeasement, and conciliation, and argumentation, and correct justifications, with charming/graceful and pleaful words, in such a way that I will always merit to arouse abundant mercy upon myself that You should save me at all times, to draw me close to You. And I should merit every time to ascend from level to level, to draw close to You at all times with much greater intimacy. Help me and save me Merciful One, may Your innards and compassion well up for me, because You know that (it is) for so long I have yearned intensely to draw close to You, and to return (-repent) from the depth of the sea that I have been trapped in due to my abundant sins. And I want to bore through all the time to do hisbodidus and express my words before You, and I have still not merited to properly express my words before You, and therefore I have still not been saved from the plights of my soul which are very extremely numerous. And there have already passed by years of my life as they have transpired, “And You Hashem, until when?! (Psalms 6:4).” When will You begin to save me [with] a true, complete salvation? For although (Psalms 40:6): “A great deal You have done Hashem My G-d” with me, wonders and awesome things, kindnesses colossal and enormous beyond measure, that You gave me strength until now to hope for Your salvation, and to consort in the auspices of Your holy tzadikim who are truly loyal. However, nevertheless I am still very, very distant from You, and the magnitude of my alienation, and what I am about, and my nature is impossible to explain or fathom, Hashem my G-d, You know. And to abound with words and prayer before You, there isn’t a word on my tongue to properly express my words (-what’s on my mind) before You, as they are in their entirety hidden and cached in my heart, just with Your mercy and Your great salvation, if I merit to find favor in Your eyes from now [on], that You open for me from now [on], from new, the gates of prayer, gates of beseeching and supplication, gates of true rhetoric, gates of hisbodidus, gates of holy talk and words, gates of endearment and pleaful prayer, in such a way that I will merit from now (on) to express my words (-what is on my mind) before You, each time with new words of plea, and ingratiation, and appeasement, in such a way that I will merit to pour out my heart directly before Your countenance Hashem, at all times. Because You know my heart, how much I need to begin to scream, and shout, and pray, and plea before You, and to cry with a bitter soul, and to pour my heart out like water before You, and to prostrate before You pining with all my soul (chaloas hanefesh-) set to mamash (-literally) expire, with true mesiras nefesh (-self-sacrifice, pushing oneself to the very utmost), to beg from before You for my soul/life, over all the transgressions, and sins, and iniquities that I abounded copiously to sin against You, from my inception until today. “What can I say? … I will fret all my years over the bitterness of my soul (Isaiah 38:15).” “Who will give my head water and my eyes (will be) a source of tears, and I will weep day and night (Jeremiah 8:23),” over the bitterness of my soul that I requited to my soul for nothing, for a frivolous desire which is fleeting like a passing shadow, I rebelled against You as I rebelled, and I came to what I came to, and I lost/destroyed what I lost. Woe onto me and on my soul, oy (-woe), what have I done?! “My heart, my heart [goes out/aches] for their corpses, my innards, my innards [go out/ache] for their slain (-“Nachaim” added on Tisha Bi’uv in the Shmoaneh Esray),” Oy vavoy (-woe, alas), what can I say? What can I speak? What justification can I offer? If not for Your mercy and abundant kindness, there would already have been what would have been, may the Merciful One save us, “If not for Your Torah being my engrossing delight, then I would have perished in my afflictions (Psalms 119:92).”

Therefore I have come before You, Merciful One, so that You endow me with new true words from the source of holy words, in such a way that I merit from now (on) to pour out all my words (-what’s on my mind) before You, at all times, with enamoring and truly pleaful words, in such a way that I merit to appease and conciliate You, so that You effectuate now with Your great mercy, so that I will go in Your statutes and adhere to Your commandments, that I shall merit from now (on) to renew my days that transpired in darkness and were “banished to/with/by darkness,[1]” and I will not return again to folly[2]. Help me Merciful One, save me He Who is full of salvations.

And open the eyes of my intellect and cognizance in the way of truth and true timeemoos (-wholeheartedness), that I merit to know well the true and correct way, how to make from the Toaroas (-holy teachings) comely and true prayers, as is Your will and the will of those who fear You, the true tzadikim (-mainly referring to Rabbainu Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman), who revealed these Torah novelties in the world, in such a way that they raise great delights before You, until Your mercy will be truly and completely aroused, and You will return me to You in truth. Help me so that I merit to come to their holy intended understanding/intentions of the true tzadikim in every place that I learn from their holy books, and to arrange comely and holy prayers on all the matter that are discussed and alluded to in their holy words in truth, so that I merit to attain them fast. And I should merit to pour out my words (-what’s on my mind) before You by means of each and every Torah which the true tzadikim revealed in the world. And I should merit to go truthfully in Your devotion with all the words of their Torah, so that I should merit to go for some time in the holy way according to one Torah insight, and to supplicate, and to entreat, and to pray, and to converse before You during that entire time, until I merit to reach and attain the devotion which is spoken of in that Torah, to truly fulfill all that is said there, and all my devotion during that entire period and time shall be according to that Torah. And afterwards I should merit to go for a period of time with different Torah insights, until I merit to go with all the Torah insights that they revealed in the world, and to come to their correct intentions/understanding, and to merit to fulfill them completely. And if (-even though) I am very, very far from this right now, in Your eyes there is nothing distant, because from You nothing is beyond reach[3], behold/certainly “You are Omnipotent and not inadequate for any scheme,[4]” and You make (newsworthy) innovations all the time, which have never in the world been made.

Help me, help me, save me, save me, because I do not have any strength now, just to outstretch my palms for Your mercies, and even this I don’t really merit properly, just from afar I hope and await all the time for Your real complete salvation. And You, what is good in Your eyes do with me, because there is not with me knowledge of anything[5], how to speak or what to say, and in what way I will merit to attain all that I request from before You. And in what matter I will merit to find every time the true point endemic/applicable to my heart at that time and hour, in such a way that I merit to conduct myself at all times and at all hours in accordance to Your good desire, and to arrange a true prayer and comely conversation before You, and to truly bind myself to the true point endemic/applicable to my heart at this time, in such a way that I merit to return to You, and to be truly in accord with Your good desire always.

Solitary [-Yucheed] Primordial/Preexistent One [-Kadmoan], Strong and Mighty, strengthen me and bolster me in prayer and conversation before You always. “Adona”ye <Hashem> sifusaye <my lips> tiftach <open> oo-fee <and my mouth> yageed <will relate> tiheelusechuh <Your praise> (Psalms 51:17).” “I shall put my hope in G-d, I shall beseech His countenance, I shall ask of Him eloquent language, [so] that in the congregation of the masses I will sing (of) His might, I will express joyous songs on behalf of myself and on behalf/account of His creations. ‘It is for man to caliberate the heart, and/but from Hashem (comes) the eloquence/expression of tongue (Proverbs 16:1).’[6]” Teach me what I should say, give me to understand what I should ask, let me know how to appease/please You, teach me for real the ways of hisbodidus and conversation with You Merciful One, in the vernacular, so that my talking before You should always be just like a person speaks to his friend. Show me which way I will merit to be victorious over You so that You return Your countenance to us and return us in real complete repentance before You. Because You already revealed to us that this is Your desire, that we merit to be victorious over You, as our Sages of blessed memory said (Pesachim 119a), “Sing to Whom one defeats Him and He rejoices.” Rouse Your mercies on Your children, and endow (upon) me and (upon) all who desire, and yearn, and make it their business (-“tunnel”) to express their words (-what is on their minds) before You, holy words which stem from the ten types of song, upon which King David r.i.p. composed the Book of Psalms from the words of his holy conversing that he poured out before You at all times. Because You know that we do not know any way of the ten types of song, just that we are confident in the power and merit of King David r.i.p., and in the power of all the tzadikim (mainly referring to Rabbainu Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman) who arranged songs, and praises, and prayers, and conversing before You, until they merited to attain conception of all the ten types of song in the apex of perfection, on their strength alone I rely aw well, I and all those who desire to express their words (-what is on their minds) before You, that we merit as well to speak holy true words as is Your desire which are drawn from the ten types of song, and to pray copiously and to express our words before You always, at all times, truthfully and wholeheartedly. In such a way that we merit to be victorious over You at all times, so that You begin and finish quickly to redeem us with complete redemption that has no exile after it, redemption of the soul, and the body, and the finances, in general and in particular, so that we merit to avoid evil completely and to do what is good in Your eyes always, and to be truly affixed in Your holiness, and to ascend each time from level to level in great holiness in true accordance to Your good will.
“Yihi-yoo (may they be) lirutzoan (desirable) imray fee (the words of my mouth) vihegyoan (and the thoughts/expression of) leebee (my heart) lifunechuh (before You) Adona”i (Hashem) tzooree (my stronghold) vigoa-alee (and my redeemer) (Psalms 19:15).”

Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman!





[1] Isaiah 8:22.
[2] Similar to Pslams 85:9.
[3][3] Based on Genesis 18:14 and Jeremiah 32:27.
[4] Job 42:2.
[5] Based on Psalms 74:9, the opening verse of the holy book Adir Bamurom, see there different explanations in greater depths and awesome magnitude of this expression.
[6] Liturgy of Rosh Hashana, from the repetition of the Musaf Shmoneh Esray: “Oacheelu Lu-Ai”l, achaleh punuv….”

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Thank G-d for Na Nach!!!