MY OWN UNIQUE POINT

A while ago, I was really touched by the story that Yosef Karduner, a famous Breslov singer, told during one of his concerts.

He shared that, after first becoming a baal teshuvah, he'd decided to leave his musical career behind and to spend all his time learning and davening (probably joining a Breslov kollel). His friends were furious, but he ignored them completely and just did what he thought was right. Some time later he was learning Torah 34 and came upon the following idea: every person has their own unique nekudah (point) that no one else has, and in that nekudah they are a tzaddik. When Yosef Karduner read that, he realized that he should go back to music in order to share his unique nekudah with the world. And I don't even want to think about how much we would all have lost had he not come to that conclusion!

As I've said, this idea made a very deep impression on me the moment I heard it. Yet recently I've realized that in fact, Yosef Karduner offered a very novel interpretation of Torah 34! Just to remind a bit, in this Torah Rabbeinu explains that there are three points that a person needs to connect to: the point of the tzaddik (hearing or reading the tzaddik's teachings), the point of a friend (talking to friends about these teachings and avodas Hashem in general), and one's own point  (speaking to Hashem in hisbodedus). So, when Rabbeinu says that every person has a unique nekudah that no one else has, in which they are a tzaddik, he is in fact speaking about the point of a friend, not one's own point! A person has to receive from their friend something that makes that friend unique and that no one else can give, and this is the whole idea behind speaking to friends in avodas Hashem.

However, this realization did nothing to end my fascination with Yosef Karduner's idea. I'm still deeply touched by this thought: that connecting to your own point means realizing that you have unique talents and abilities, as well as by the conclusion he came to,  that every person has an obligation to share their unique nekudah with the world.

To tell the truth, before I found Rabbeinu (or rather before he found me), I didn't really  feel that I had my own nekudah. When I taught English, for example, it was because I needed to work and not because I had something to share. It has been Rabbeinu that somehow gifted me with my own point and gave me the inspiration and drive to share it with others.  So now I write Breslov divrei Torah, Breslov-inspired poems, and "Breslov programs" (practical applications of Breslov teachings) . Hey, I even make my own songs! (In this, I was probably inspired by Simcha Nanach.)

Yet the question remains: is Yosef Karduner's interpretation legitimate? Is it indeed possible to say that one's own point includes not only speaking to Hashem in hisbodedus but also developing one's unique abilities and sharing them with the world? 

I think it's possible to answer this question in the affirmative. There is a well-known idea that, when Rabbeinu said over or wrote down his Torahs, he "planted" in them the ideas that would only be needed later and that couldn't be discerned or understood by any of his contemporaries. This means that we, his later followers, have an important part to play in uncovering these hidden teachings and applying them to our own lives.

I'd like to end with this: it's very heartening and validating to think that giving to the world something that only I can give is my very own way of  going after Rabbeinu! This gives me strength, inspiration, and the will to continue.

P. S. After writing a draft version of this post, I discussed it with someone knowledgeable in Breslov teachings, and they told me (very gently) that what I'd thought to be Yosef Karduner's chiddush was actually a basic peshat of Torah 34. This probably shows two things. The first one is that I still need to study and understand way more before I, too, could consider myself knowledgeable in Breslov teachings. But I'm very comfortable with that; I feel that I've been growing much too smug lately, so it was good to receive this reality check. The second thing I've realized is even better: now I can be sure that developing my own nekudah and sharing is with others is what Rabbeinu really wants me to do. And since this post is very precious to me, I've decided to leave it as it is.