FROM "TEIKU" TO "TIKKUN", PART II

In the previous post, I've written that there is a way (or many ways) to get from "teiku" to "tikkun" - from unresolved life dilemmas and feeling totally stuck to real soul correction. This way is hinted in the Hebrew spelling of these two words: "תיקו" and "תיקון". As it's easy to see, the only difference between them is the letter "ן", which is missing in "teiku" but present in "tikkun". So we just have to find this missing "nun", understand what it represents, and bring it into our lives!

Since I first began pondering this idea a few days ago, I've realized that there are quite a few missing "nuns". One of them is connected to the numerical value of this letter, which is "fifty". So this "nun" can be seen as representing the fiftieth gate of wisdom. Upon reaching this gate, a person receives the advice uniquely suited to them at this point in time; this enables them to get unstuck and really start working on their tikkun. As explained in Breslov sources, the way to the fiftieth gate of wisdom lies through doing hisbodedus and saying Tehillim.

Now let's talk about someone who's managed to fulfil this recommendation: after talking to Hashem a lot and saying many chapters of Tehillim, they've reached the fiftieth gate. With that, they received an understanding of what exactly Hashem (and their neshamah) wants them to work on. Now what? How exactly should they go about doing this work?

I couldn't answer this question for a while and so couldn't understand why, even after receiving my unique piece of advice, I was still feeling a bit lost. And then I thought of another "nun", which, as I came to realize, was inextricably connected to the first one. This "nun" is the first letter of the world "nitzachon" that means "victory". I had to admit that knowing what I needed and wanted to achieve just wasn't enough. To really make that happen, I needed to be consistent and determined because the way to a big goal lies through many small victories. 

For example, if I want and need to become more independent, it will take many instances of doing things by myself to really make a dent in my helplessness. If I want to conquer my anger, I'll have to work on this every day, not allowing my temper to get the better of me, and without that, my anger will still remain a big part of my life even if I hate it and want to get rid of it. So this missing "nun" of the word "nitzachon" ("victory") really is the key!

And this is where Breslov ideas and practices are very different from anything that psychology  has to offer. I used to be a big fan of the famous motto, "Do the thing you fear to do!" I'm a fearful person by nature, and so I thought this would really help me. I faithfully tried to adhere to that, but after a while it began to feel like plain old masochism. After all, why on earth should I do something that scares me? What do I stand to gain? Just getting rid of my fear didn't seem like an attractive  enough goal to justify going against myself. What's more, I discovered that my fear remained but was now joined by resentment at having to force myself.

Now everything is different. Even though it would be preposterous to claim with 100% certainty that I have indeed reached the fiftieth gate of wisdom, still, the advice I've received and the goals I now have are absolutely and totally mine. They speak to me and motivate me. I really want to fulfil that advice and to reach those goals, and this is what inspires me to make at least several small victories every day, even  if sometimes it feels like going against myself or means doing things that I was previously afraid of doing.