ON COINCIDENCE AND POLARIZATION

Strange things happen sometimes, showing clearly that nothing is by coincidence and everything is by Hashem's design.

My grandfather - my father's father, dropped all religious observance when he left the shtetl and went to live in a big city. He talked very little about the shtetl life, but when he did, it was obvious that keeping mitzvos in the shtetl came kind of naturally, just as naturally as forgetting all about them when you decided to live elsewhere. He married Jewish, of course (how could he not?), but my grandmother came from a Cantonist family and was totally secular from the start. I think my grandfather was actually attracted to that.

They lived together very happily and had two sons. Despite dropping religion, my grandfather was very careful about two things: he insisted that both his sons marry Jewish, and he always fasted on Yom Kuppur (again, I think he just couldn't imagine eating on Yom Kippur). But otherwise, he was totally secular.

Now take a look at his progeny. His eldest son, my uncle, had only one son of his own. He is married to a nice Jewish lady, but they are both totally secular. So he epitomizes some kind of middle ground.

But in the children of my grandfather's youngest son, it is possible to see something interesting. My only brother lives in Atlanta and is married to a Korean woman. What's more, he married her on Yom Kippur which that year fell on Shabbos. Of course, he didn't schedule the wedding on Yom Kippur to spite anyone - Greg is not like that at all. He simply forgot to look at the Jewish calendar, and when one of the older relatives did look, it was already too late: the restaurant had been booked and the invitations sent out. For some reason, the older relatives were much more shocked about the Yom Kippur thing than about the Korean lady and so, after learning that the date couldn't be changed, they decided to boycott the wedding and even forbade their children to come. (Not that they were planning to spend the day in shul; they were totally secular, but prided themselves on being somewhat traditional.) My parents were the only ones who attended.

As for our family, baruch Hashem, we live in Yerushalaim, in a very good frum neighborhood, and my children attend a great cheder. My youngest son, Chaim, is even named after my grandfather. What's more, I have merited to be a follower of Rabbeinu, which is awesome in and of itself..

So my grandfather's "spotty' religious observance resulted in two very different things. And I'm sure that it has been the merit of his not abandoning everything totally that helped me become who I am now.