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Structure of Prayer I:56 — based on LM I Torah 56:
Opening verse-mosaic — eight Psalm verses, each crying out against hester panim (hidden face), woven together as a prelude
General section (7–8 Shvat · 5 paragraphs):
- El mistater — the hidden G-d; ikvesa d'Meshicha (footsteps of Mashiach); hester she'betoch hester (hiddenness within hiddenness) — my sins caused it; woe, we are devastated; "after whom does the King pursue — a dead dog, a single flea"
- Ribono! Ribono! Ribono! — three-fold cry; no mouth to speak; I cannot escape the layered hidings
- Torah as the antidote to hiddenness — Torah = Your Name; parshiyos, pesukim, tagin, nekudos, osiyos — the vessels of life
- Enormous paragraph: G-d present even in hester betoch hester — lais atar panui minach; Torah's herald-call from Proverbs; letter-combinations (tseirufay osios); distinguish forbidden/permitted; each person's malchus (kingship) — use it only for G-d
- [8 Shvat] — Save us from taavat mamon; restore the holy sparks; "He swallowed wealth and will vomit it up"
לְפּוּרִים — For Purim (1 paragraph):
- Haman-Amalek = taavat mamon; holiness of Mordechai and Esther; supernal colors in silver/gold/copper; compassion and charity; nullify machlokes; parnassah like the manna; "if not now, when?"
לְשָׁבוּעוֹת — For Shavuos (1 paragraph):
- Mikveh immersion; 50 gates of holiness; Israel received Torah through mikveh; draw the Shavuos holiness across the whole year
[9 Shvat] (3 paragraphs):
- Emunas chachamim — elu v'elu divrei Elokim chayyim; the morah shchorah and heavy heart; the weakened pulse (ruach harofek); "Woe to me, my mother"; "Avinu av harachaman"
- The true sigh revives the holy pulse; fix the blemish of the hands; machlokes d'kedushah
- Avinu Malkeinu — parnassah before need; save from debts
- Final cry: bring Mashiach tzidkainu — "This one shall comfort us from the toil of our hands" — Amen and Amen
Prayer 56 · תּפִלָּה נ״ו
This prayer opens with a woven tapestry of verses from Psalms — each one a cry against hiddenness:
"Why do You hide Your face — forgetting our affliction and our oppression?" [Psalms 44:25]
"Why, Hashem, do You abandon my soul — hiding Your face from me?" [Psalms 88:15]
"Why, Hashem, do You stand at a distance — concealing Yourself in times of distress?" [Psalms 10:1]
"How long, Hashem, will You be hidden forever — Your wrath burning like fire?" [Psalms 89:47]
"How long, Hashem, will You forget me forever — how long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I lay plans in my soul, grief in my heart by day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?" [Psalms 13:2–3]
"Do not hide Your face from me in the day of my distress; turn Your ear toward me, on the day I call, answer me swiftly." [Psalms 102:3]
"Answer me swiftly, Hashem — my spirit fails. Do not hide Your face from me, lest I become like those who descend to the pit." [Psalms 143:7]
"Answer me, Hashem, answer me — for I am in great distress. Do not hide Your face from me, and do not turn away from my supplication." [cf. 1 Kings 18:37; Psalms 55:2]
עברית ▾ Master of the Universe — King of eternities, Lord of all, Ruler of all — El mistater [the Hidden G-d] [Isaiah 45:15] — full of mercies: You alone know the full force of the hiddenness [hester panim] that has intensified greatly in these times — in the ikvesa d'Meshicha [the footsteps of the Messiah] — for You have hidden Your face from us and melted us away through our iniquities [cf. Isaiah 64:6], and there has been fulfilled in us now, through our many sins: "And I will surely hide My face on that day because of all the evil that it has done" [Deuteronomy 31:18]. For You have become hidden from us very, very greatly — until Your power and Your greatness and Your glory and Your kingship and Your great dominion that rules over all has become concealed and hidden from us. For I have sinned, transgressed, and willfully rebelled before You, and done what is evil in Your eyes from my youth until this very day; and I have violated and repeated [my sins] many times, until it became for me as if permitted; and I have inverted the words of the living G-d and corrupted the letter-combinations [tseirufay osios] of the holy Torah — until the forbidden became for me as if permitted. And not content with this alone, I added to commit even greater abominations than these, and doubled and tripled them many times beyond measure and reckoning — until I grew weary of counting the great multitude of my days of sin, and how many times I angered You — until the yoke of my very many and exceedingly mighty iniquities became entangled and rose upon my neck, until there was no counting, for there is no number. Until through my many sins the hester she'betoch hester [hiddenness within hiddenness] has overwhelmed me — for You have become hidden from us very greatly in layer upon layer of hidings — for even the hiddenness itself is hidden from us, and we do not know at all — not even this — that You are hidden from us. For we know nothing of You at all, and the sins have become straightened out before us as a plain. Woe to us, for we are devastated! What shall we say before You, O Dweller on high, and what shall we recount before You, O Dweller in the heavens — for surely You know all things hidden and revealed. And now, our Father in Heaven — what shall we do and what shall we accomplish? And I in particular — the poor and the destitute one — where shall I seek help to reveal the full force of the hester she'betoch hester, in which You have become hidden from me very, very greatly — until I have forgotten my good and abandoned my holiness [Lamentations 3:17], and I have forgotten the Place of the World [Makom shel olam] [G-d]. And even if I still sometimes remember a little of the greatness of Your G-dliness and Your power and Your greatness and Your dominion and Your sublimity — may You be blessed forever and for all eternity — and my soul longs for You, O G-d, exceedingly, and my yearning and my desire and my longing are very strong and mighty to return to You in truth: yet my strength is exhausted and I have no ability to prevail against my evil and bitter desires — through which my life has been consumed in grief and my years in sighing [Psalms 31:11]. And I do not know where to flee — where to hide from my evil desires and from the mighty confusion of my mind. And the sadness and the morah shchorah [dark melancholy] that have all overwhelmed me together — they do not let me recover my spirit. My Father in Heaven — have mercy upon me and see my affliction and my toil; see my affliction and my bitterness, wormwood and gall [Lamentations 3:19]. "See, Hashem, that I am in distress — my innards churn, my heart is overturned within me, for I have greatly rebelled" [Lamentations 1:20]. "See, Hashem — for the hand is spent and there is none shut up or left" [Deuteronomy 32:36]. "You have screened Yourself with a cloud so that prayer cannot pass through; You have screened Yourself in anger and pursued us" [Lamentations 3:44–43]. Master of the Universe — full of mercies, full of great lovingkindnesses — "Be gracious to me, Hashem — see my affliction; You Who lifts me from the gates of death" [Psalms 9:14]. Remember me please in Your good will. Remember please in Your mercies: "After whom do you pursue? After whom has the King of Israel gone forth? After a dead dog! After a single flea!" [1 Samuel 24:15] "Will a leaf blown about cause you dread? And will you pursue dry straw?" [Job 13:25]
עברית ▾ Master of the Universe! Master of the Universe! Master of the Universe! I have no mouth to speak, and no forehead to lift my head — for there is not a word on my tongue but "behold, Hashem, You know it all" [Psalms 139:4] — "for You lifted me up and cast me away" [Psalms 102:11]. "Hashem — through Your will, You established my mountain as mighty; You hid Your face — I was terrified" [Psalms 30:8]. "Answer me, Hashem, for Your lovingkindness is good; according to Your abundant mercies, turn toward me. And do not hide Your face from Your servant, for I am in distress — answer me quickly" [Psalms 69:17–18]. "To You, Hashem, I call, and to Hashem I will plead" [Psalms 30:9]. "What profit is there in my blood, in my descent to the pit? Will the dust acknowledge You? Will it tell of Your truth?" [Psalms 30:10]. "Hear, Hashem, and be gracious to me; Hashem, be my helper" [Psalms 30:11] — for I know no path at all of how to reveal the full force of this hester she'betoch hester, comprised of thousands upon thousands and myriads upon myriads of hidings — until I do not know how to escape from them or how to save my soul from the trap of the fowlers [Psalms 91:3].
עברית ▾ But in Your abundant mercies, You planned from afar to make our end good [Jeremiah 29:11] — and You promised us that through engaging in Your holy Torah we would merit to find You always, at every time, even in these latter days — in the full force of the hester she'betoch hester — as it is written: "And I will surely hide My face on that day because of all the evil that it has done — for it has turned to other gods. And this song shall testify before it as a witness, for it will not be forgotten from the mouth of its offspring" [Deuteronomy 31:18–21]. Therefore I have come before You, Hashem my G-d and G-d of my fathers — full of mercies, full of grace, good and doing good to all, Who has mercy upon all creatures, Whose mercies are upon all Your works [Psalms 145:9] — that You grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to engage in Your holy Torah lishmah [for its own sake] always, day and night, in great holiness and purity — in such a manner that I merit through engaging in the Torah to reveal the hester she'betoch hester and to find Your G-dliness always at every time, every moment, and every place — and nothing in the world shall have the power to hide from me Your G-dliness and Your Providence and Your sublimity, may You be blessed. And help me and save me to engage in the holy Torah with a full mouth [b'feh malei] — to bring forth words of Torah from my mouth in fullness. And give us the strength to call upon You — the Life of all life — through the holy Torah which is Your Name. And through this we merit to receive and to draw down upon us good and long life from You — for You are the Life of all life, and You give life to all the worlds from beginning to end through the holy Torah which is Your Name, for it is our life and the length of our days [Devarim Rabbah 8:4]. And grant us merit to receive life gradually and in measure — through the holy vessels made through the parshiyos [portions] and pesukim [verses] and sedarim [sections] and teivos [words] and teamim [cantillation notes] and nekudos [vowel-points] and tagim [crowns] and osiyos [letters] of the holy Torah — and we merit through them good and long life, and mercy, and peace, and holy knowledge.
עברית ▾ Master of the Universe — "close to all who call upon Him in truth" [Psalms 145:18] — grant us merit to call upon You in truth, in such a manner that You answer us swiftly — and we call upon You and You answer us, we implore You and You are entreated by us. Grace us from You with knowledge, understanding, and discernment. Grant us merit to draw from You — through engaging in the holy Torah — good and long life and length of days and years, and wisdom, understanding, and holy knowledge — in such a manner that we merit to know that You are present always, at every time, with every person, and in every place. And even in the full force of the hester she'betoch hester — even there You are present. For You Yourself are hidden within all the hidings of the world — and even in hester she'betoch hester, and even in thousands of thousands and myriads of myriads of hidings without end — even there You are present. For lais atar panui minach [there is no place devoid of You — Tikkunay Zohar 57] — and You give life to them all; and without You there is no vitality whatsoever for anything in the world. Even all the kelippos [husks of evil] and all the impurities of the world, and all the sitrin achranin [Other Sides] and all the hidings of the world that conceal Your G-dliness — all of them have no vitality or power except what they receive from You Yourself, may You be blessed forever. And You rule over all, and Your kingship rules over all [Psalms 103:19], and without You no hiding in the world has the power to conceal and obscure You, may You be blessed. And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to know all this with complete knowledge in truth and in faith — until I merit through this to reveal the hester she'betoch hester and to transform it into knowledge — so that from all the hidings, holy Torah is made. And may the holy Torah that is hidden there within the full force of the hester she'betoch hester be revealed. And we merit to the revelation of the secrets of the Torah [sitray Torah] — to understand and to attain the mysteries of the Torah [razin d'Oraisa] — until we merit to hear the great herald-call of the holy Torah, which roars and calls out always with a very great and mighty voice: "She calls out at the heads of the noisy streets: 'How long, you simpletons, will you love simplicity?'" [Proverbs 1:20–22]. Yet through our many sins we do not hear this herald-call. Therefore have mercy upon us for Your Name's sake. And grant us merit to engage in the holy Torah with a full mouth, in great holiness — until we merit to hear the great herald-call of the holy Torah — the voice of the words of the living G-d and eternal King — "a great voice that does not cease" [Deuteronomy 5:19] — and the Torah itself will rebuke us with open rebuke that comes from hidden love [Proverbs 27:5] — as it is written: "Her mouth she opens with wisdom, and the Torah of lovingkindness is on her tongue" [Proverbs 31:26] — until through this we merit to return to You in truth, swiftly and speedily — and You draw us near to Your service and return us in complete teshuvah before You. And help us and save us and grant us merit to reveal and to raise up the letter-combinations [tseirufay osios] of the holy Torah from within the hidings, and to return and to transform them toward holiness, and to restore them to their first place and position and to combine them in holy combinations — until through them wondrous and awesome true Torah novellae [chidushay Torah] are revealed. And reveal to us the secrets of the Torah [sitray Oraisa] — wonders and hidden things of Your holy Torah that You have treasured and stored for Your reverers [Psalms 31:20]. And we merit to know and to distinguish between the forbidden and the permitted, between the holy and the profane, between the impure and the pure, and between the fit and the unfit [Leviticus 10:10]. And help us to separate ourselves from evil and from what is forbidden completely — and to cleave to holiness in truth and in complete faith — to turn from evil and do good in Your eyes always, according to Your good will in truth. And grant us merit to holy complete knowledge — until we merit to adorn ourselves, and to adorn others as well, in complete teshuvah before You in truth — so that through our engaging in the holy Torah we merit to also stir others to complete teshuvah, even those who are very far from us. To bring them out from darkness to light, from obscurity to illumination, from the profane to the holy. And help us that we merit to draw good and long life into our portion of kingship [malchus] — for each and every one of us has some share in the aspect of malchus [kingship/sovereignty] — both openly and concealed. And let us not use our malchus for our own needs at all — and let our malchus not be for us like a slave; rather, may we merit that our malchus be as a free person [ben chorin] — and let us not use the kingship and the sovereignty that each one of us possesses except for Your Name and Your service alone, in truth. And grace us from You with understanding and holy knowledge — that we merit to know how to warn and to rebuke all the people who are under our authority — whether our sons and daughters and members of our household, whether our brothers and our friends and other people who heed our word — all of them we merit to rebuke and to warn them in the Torah of Hashem, that they return to Hashem in truth and not walk after the willfulness of their evil heart — rather, let them look inward and spare their souls to cleave to the paths of the Torah of Hashem always — to turn from evil and do good, and not to swerve from the commandment right or left [Deuteronomy 17:11]. And guard us and save us and shield us that our malchus and our sovereignty, G-d forbid, should not harm us — rather, may we merit to draw good and long life into the malchus. And may we merit to return and restore all the kingship and the sovereignty to the Name, may He be blessed — never to use the malchus for our own needs at all — only for Your Name alone in truth — as it is written: "And the kingship shall be Hashem's" [Obadiah 1:21].
עברית ▾ And thus have mercy upon us through Your abundant mercies and save us from the desire for money [taavat mamon] — and help us to break the desire for wealth and riches — and let us not covet and not desire at all to amass worldly wealth that is not truly ours. Rather, may we merit that all our desire and our longing and our yearning and our occupation be only in the holy Torah — to acquire wisdom and complete holy knowledge, and to cleave to Your holy commandments. And grant us merit to rectify in our lifetime all the blemishes that we have blemished before You through the desire for money. And may we merit to bring out all the holy sparks [nitstsotzos hakdoshim] that the kelipah swallowed up through our many sins — through our evil desires, and in particular through the desire for money. And may there be speedily fulfilled the verse: "He swallowed wealth and will vomit it up — G-d will drive it out of his belly" [Job 20:15].
עברית ▾ And may we merit to subdue and to break and to nullify and to blot out and to destroy and to uproot the kelipah of Haman-Amalek from the world — which is the desire for money [taavat mamon] — and to bring out all the holy vitality from it, and to return and to restore all the holy sparks and all the holy vitality to their supernal root in holiness, and to return and to make from them holy Torah. And may we merit to draw down upon ourselves always the holiness of Mordechai the Jew and Esther the Queen — and help us and grant us merit to reveal and to illuminate all the supernal colors [gavanin ila'in] that exist in silver, gold, and copper, in great holiness and purity, according to Your good will. And have compassion upon us through Your abundant mercies, and bestow upon us the attribute of compassion [middas harachamanus] in truth — and may we merit to have compassion upon all creatures and to increase in charity [tsedakah]. And You shall have mercy upon us from the Heavens — and draw down to us livelihood [parnassah] and a flow of goodness, charity, blessing, mercy, life, peace, and complete holy knowledge and all good. And nullify all strife [machlokes] from the world — and remove all kinds of hatred, jealousy, quarreling, and contention from all Your people the house of Israel forever. And draw down compassion and peace in the world — that there be great and true peace among all Your people the house of Israel and throughout the entire world — and all who enter the world shall have compassion one upon the other with great love and great true mercies. And give us good livelihood from Heaven — and just as You sustained Your people Israel in the wilderness for forty years, and gave them manna to eat and they lacked nothing at all, for You provided all their needs — so too have compassion upon us in Your lovingkindnesses, and bestow upon us good livelihood from Heaven, and give us all our needs without any toil or trouble or distraction whatsoever — in such a manner that we merit to do Your will and to observe Your statutes and ordinances and to engage in Your Torah always, day and night, with no neglect whatsoever. For all the days of our lives are vanity, and our days are like a passing shadow [Psalms 144:4] — and if not now, then when? [Avos 1:14]
עברית ▾ And help us and grant us merit and save us that we merit to purify and to sanctify ourselves at every time through immersion in the mikveh [ritual pool] — and may we merit to draw down upon us great purity and holiness through immersion in the mikveh — to purify ourselves from all impurities, from all sins and iniquities and transgressions that we have sinned and transgressed and willfully rebelled before You from our youth until this very day. And to draw down upon us great holiness through the holy mikveh. And bestow upon us through this great knowledge and abundant mercies. And give us strength and help us that we merit through immersion in the mikveh to sweeten all the judgments [dinim] in the world from upon us and from upon our offspring and from upon all Your people the house of Israel — and to nullify all afflictions and all evil decrees through this. And may You always save us through immersion in the holy and very awesome mikveh. And may there be fulfilled the verse: "The hope [{S('mikveh')}] of Israel is Hashem — His savior in time of distress" [Jeremiah 17:13] — [for mikveh means both 'ritual pool' and 'hope']. And grant us merit to draw down upon us the holiness of the mikveh of the holy festival of Shavuos — which is the season of the giving of our Torah [zman matan Toraseinu] — when Israel drew near to You and merited to receive the holy Torah through immersion in the mikveh [Yevamos 46b]. And may all of us merit on the festival of Shavuos to immerse ourselves in the supernal mikveh — in the mikveh of the Fiftieth Gate of holiness [shaar hachamishim] — which is great and abundant mercies, and supernal lovingkindness, and very great knowledge. And help us that we merit to draw down upon us the holiness of this mikveh throughout the entire year — and we merit always to purify and to sanctify ourselves — and to emerge swiftly from the fifty gates of impurity and to enter within the fifty gates of holiness [LM I:56]. And may there be speedily fulfilled in us the verse: "And I will sprinkle upon you pure water and you will be purified — from all your impurities and from all your abominations I will purify you" [Ezekiel 36:25].
עברית ▾ And grant me merit to true emunas chachamim [faith in the Sages] in truth — and bestow upon me complete knowledge that I merit to know and to truly believe in all the true tzadikim and true sages. And let the great dispute among them not confuse me at all. And I merit to know and to believe that in truth elu v'elu divrei Elokim chayyim — "both these and these are the words of the living G-d" [Eruvin 13b] — and all their words are truth and righteousness. And let me not despise, G-d forbid, any one of them — even the true Sages whose ruling is not followed as law — for these are the ways of Hashem, wondrous and of perfect knowledge [cf. Job 37:16], and it is impossible for us to attain this — and I will not investigate this at all. Only to believe that both these and these are the words of the living G-d. And have compassion upon me and save me from the toil of the hands [itsavon yadayim] [Genesis 5:29] — and nullify from me all kinds of sadness and worries and morah shchorah [dark melancholy], and in particular sadness and worries from the burden of earning a livelihood — remove and nullify these from me through Your abundant mercies. For through my many sins — through the extreme heaviness and sadness and morah shchorah that have overwhelmed my heart through my evil desires — and added to this the yoke and burden of earning a livelihood — through all this the spirit of my heart has become blocked and numbed, until the pulsing spirit within my heart [ruach harofek — the beating pulse] cannot travel in orderly movement through all the limbs as is fitting. And because of this my hands and my limbs are very heavy — and through the extreme heaviness the pulsing spirit weakens further — and so it goes round and round. Until through the extreme heaviness and weakness and the blocking of the heart from the greatness of the sadness — my soul is on the verge of departing, G-d forbid — for there is but a step between me and death [1 Samuel 20:3]. Master of the Universe — You know all this. You know my bitter and hastening heart. The bitterness of my heart reaches to the heights of the heavens [cf. Jonah 4:2] — until "the strength of the porter has given out" [Nehemiah 4:4]. "Woe to me, my mother, that you bore me!" [Jeremiah 15:10] Woe to me because of my soul! Woe — how very bitter it is for me! Alas and woe! Alas and woe! "Alas, Hashem!" [Jeremiah 1:6] O Heavens — intercede on my behalf! You Who are full of mercies — have pity on me. For I do not know at all how to begin to speak — for how shall I open my mouth and how shall I lift my eyes? And how can this servant of my Master speak with my Master? [Daniel 10:17] For truly — I have sinned before Hashem G-d of Israel. I have sinned, transgressed, and willfully rebelled, and done evil in Your eyes. "Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes" [Proverbs 10:26] — so have I dealt with myself. Like one who murders souls — so have I been to my own soul — and I did not spare myself at all. Woe over the days that have passed over me. My Father, Father of mercy. My Father, Father of lovingkindness. My Father — my Rock, my Redeemer and Deliverer, my Former and my Maker and my Creator — my G-d, my King and my Holy One — Who intends to make my end good [Jeremiah 29:11]: teach me and guide me the counsel and the stratagem that I merit to fulfill — in such a manner that I merit to complete teshuvah before You in truth — and I will never again return to folly [Psalms 85:9] forever. For I know no stratagem except to beseech You that You have mercy upon me and help me — and compel my yetser [evil inclination] to be subservient to You in truth.
עברית ▾ Grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to a true sigh from the very depths of my heart in truth — in such a manner that through my sigh I merit to revive and to restore the holy pulsing spirit [ruach harofek d'kedushah] within my heart. And the pulsing spirit returns and travels and blows through all the limbs in orderly fashion — and in particular through the hands — until my hands are thereby rectified and purified. And I merit swiftly to rectify the blemish of the hands — all that I have blemished with my hands from my youth until this very day — until I merit to lift and to raise my hands to Hashem, G-d Most High, Creator of heaven and earth [Genesis 14:22]. And I merit to fulfill the verse: "Let us lift our hearts with our hands toward G-d in Heaven" [Lamentations 3:41]. And grant me merit to be in joy always — and let no sadness or morah shchorah come upon me at all. And I merit to holiness and purity in truth — and to ascend at every turn from level to level in great holiness — until I merit through the power of the true tzadikim to receive words from Heaven. And I merit to know and to understand and to attain the machlokes d'kedushah [holy controversy] — to know that in truth this is no controversy at all, only great and mighty love and brotherhood and friendship and peace — for both these and these are the words of the living G-d. And make known to me Your ways [Psalms 25:4] — and grant me merit to draw near and to cleave ever more to the true tzadikim whose ruling is followed as law in every place.
עברית ▾ Our Father, our King — You know that it is impossible for me to set out my speech before You completely in any manner. You know all that I have wasted until now through my many sins. You Who are full of mercies — say to my afflictions: "Enough!" Have pity upon me in Your great compassion. Grant me merit please to complete teshuvah before You speedily — and give me my livelihood from You before I am in need [Berachos 29b] — and save me from debts and loans.
עברית ▾ Master of the Universe — rescue me from the toil of the hands [itsavon yadayim] [Genesis 5:29]. Rescue me please from the burden of earning a livelihood. Comfort us please through the merit of the true tzadikim — and bring us our righteous Messiah [Mashiach tsidkainu]. And may there be fulfilled the verse: "This one will comfort us from our labor and from the toil of our hands" [Genesis 5:29]. Help us, help us! Be gracious to us, be gracious to us! Turn toward us and save us — and do not hide Your face from us. "Turn to me and be gracious to me; give Your strength to Your servant, and save the son of Your handmaid" [Psalms 86:16]. "Make with me a sign for good, that those who hate me may see it and be ashamed — for You, Hashem, have helped me and comforted me" [Psalms 86:17]. Amen and Amen.
A frailichen Purim! Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman! 🎉
