FROM "TEIKU" TO "TIKKUN"

My closest friend used to learn the Talmud in her youth. Then she came to the conclusion that Hashem wanted something very different from her, so she got married and had quite a few children. Yet, of course, she's continued to be a very deep person, so we often exchange deep and profound ideas.

Recently she shared something very interesting. In the Talmud, the discussion sometimes ends with the word "תיקו" ("teiku"), which means that no answer has been found to that particular question. So my friend said that this "תיקו" is "תיקון" ("tikkun" - "correction") without the letter ""ן" ("nun"). Since we were discussing not the Talmud but our personal lives. she said that whenever a person feels stuck in "teiku", being unable to find any answers to their life dilemmas, all they need to do is find that missing "nun", and then they'll be able to turn "teiku" into "tikkun" and resolve their crisis.

But what is this missing "nun"? What is it exactly that a person needs to find? At that point in our discussion (we correspond on Skype), something in my friend's very busy life demanded her immediate attention, and I was left to contemplate that question alone.

Baruch Hashem, very soon I found my answer! (Or, rather, as I was to discover later, one of the several possible answers). The letter "nun" has the numerical value of 50, so it can be said to symbolize the fiftieth gate of holiness. What's more, it's written in Chapter 75 of the sefer "Hishtapkus HaNefesh" by R' Alter Tepliker that this fiftieth gate can be accessed through hisbodedus and saying Tehillim. Getting inside that gate can be compared to receiving a personal letter from Hashem, containing all the advice and guidance a person needs at that point in their life. With that, they will certainly find a way to get unstuck and move on!

I have to say, I got very inspired. So, in addition to hisbodedus, I started saying ten chapters of Tehillim every day, as R' Yitzchok Breiter recommends in his "Seder HaYom". And, baruch Hashem, I've seen that this really works! I've started getting more and more missing pieces of the puzzle that are all leading me in the way of my particular tikkun.

Stay tuned. I've also found several other ways of getting from  "teiku" to "tikkun", and I really want to share them,

Blossoms of the Spring - Letter 139

Letter 139

 

My beloved, my dear, Mr. Z. Shazar – who has laid to his heart to be drawn to the true truth who redeems from all the sufferings; fortunate is his lot. Blessing, peace, and loving-kindness for the length of days.

 

Through a light word of the Tzaddik, a great light is opened – it is then easy for people to attain lofty wisdoms.

 

Through a light word of the Tzaddik, a great light is opened – it is then easy for people to attain lofty wisdoms![1]

 

When[2] the days are already coming, and a person has reached the time of his old age, and the day begins to wane, and when he sees that the majority of his years have passed and he wants to start pondering repentance and to draw close to God, blessed He, in truth; then, for the most part the Baal Dovor [Litigator / evil inclination / Satan] intensifies and spreads out surpassingly in order to prevent him from the path of life, God forbid, and he doesn’t want to let him go out of from his lusts and traps which he has been captured therein – then is the main test of the person. He then must very much gaze in himself, at his end and conclusion, and overcome all the more so in order to bind himself thoroughly to the True Tzaddik who is the aspect of Moses Messiah who strengthens us with extremely great encouragement that is beyond measure, estimation, or number, to be strong, to begin each time anew in order to draw close to God, blessed He – as if he was born today, and to not fall from anything in the world. And the main thing is that one must overpower against the ‘mentalities of smallness’ which they overpower exceedingly against the person, and they want to make him fall in his mind – as if he doesn’t have more hope, God forbid. Rather, one should know and believe in the words of the True Tzaddik who screamed with a great and powerful voice that there isn’t any despair in the world whatsoever. For, “Regarding His greatness, there is no exploration”[3], and with the immenseness of His mercy, blessed He, He can overturn everything completely – from bad to good, and from sins to merits – through repentance!

 

The words of the True Tzaddik who exceedingly empowers us to strengthen in good desires and longings to God, blessed He[4], constantly – during all that passes over us; and makes known to us that there is no despair in the world whatsoever; we must be very careful with these matters to enter them into our hearts like dew and rain. For just as dew and rain, which one drop of water goes down in the earth and afterwards wondrous plants sprout from them – so too, one must thoroughly bring these words into the depth of the heart until they will sprout in the heart and they will produce good fruits. For one must always listen thoroughly to these words about strengthening in God, blessed He, and to understand [one] thing from [another] thing in order to thoroughly understand the hints of the Tzaddik to what extent, to what extent, one needs to strengthen himself forever. Because it is impossible at all to explain all that is necessary of these matters in particular – only through intimation –in that^[5] He shows you the way and hints[6] to always strengthen in wanting, longing, screaming, and roaring to God, blessed He. And thereby, he will surely merit in the end of the end to a complete redemption – to return to God, blessed He, in truth.

 

The primary delay of the redemption is solely through division. For in each generation there exists big and important people which in them are sparks of Dosson and Aviram[7], and they tunnel in order to distance from the True Tzaddik, the aspect of Moses; and through this all the current sufferings and destructions have come about. But, nonetheless, “And You are exalted for evermore, God”[8] [God always has the upper hand]; for [now] also just as [then] there exists in each and every generation Tzaddikim and truly kosher people whom associate themselves with the Great Tzaddik, the Chosen One, and whom rejoice to meet Him and listen to His counsel – and through this the complete redemption will arrive!

It happens at times, that specifically when a person reaches an extremely, extremely low place and estranged from the holiness of the Jewish people – there specifically he will become aroused with a great arousal to God, blessed He; and in this there are many reasons and aspects!

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[1] This sentence is doubled in the letter, with an exclamation point following the second time.

[2] This paragraph is also similar to Letter 32.

[3] Psalms 145:3.

[4] Another version: to strengthen in God, blessed He, constantly.

[5] Another version: It happens at times etc. [that].

[6] Another version: and hints, “In this path you shall go, and through this etc.”.

[7] Two detractors of Moshe Rabbeinu [Moses].

[8] Psalms 92:9.

For more letters

מכתב קלט

 

אהובי חביבי מר ז.שזר ששם את לבו להמשך אל האמת האמתי הפודה מכל הצרות, אשרי חלקו. ברכה ושלום וחסד לאורך ימים

ע"י דיבור קל של הצדיק נפתח אור גדול אזי בניקל לבני אדם להשיג חכמות רמות.

ע"י דיבור קל של הצדיק נפתח אור גדול אזי בניקל לבני אדם להשיג חכמות רמות!

כשכבר הימים באים והגיע האדם לעת זקנותו ומתחיל היום לערוב, וכשרואה שעברו רוב שנותיו אזי עפ"י רוב רוצה להתחיל (עי"ז להתחיל בתשו) להרהר בתשובה ולהתקרב להשי"ת באמת מתגבר הבעל דבר ומתפשט מאד למונעו מדרך החיים חו', ואינו רוצה להניחו לצאת מתאותיו ורשתיו אשר נלכד בהם, ואזי עיקר הנסיון של האדם, אז צריך להתסכל בעצמו מאד על אחריתו וסופו ולהתגבר ביותר ויותר לקשר עצמו היטב לצדיק האמת שהוא בחינת משה משיח שמחזק בהתחזקות גדול מאד בלי שיעור וערך ומספר להתחזק להתחיל בכל פעם מחדש להתקרב להשי"ת, כאילו עכשיו נולד ולבלי ליפול משום דבר שבעולם. והעיקר שצריך להתגבר כנגד בחינת המוחין דקטנות שהם מתגברים מאד על האדם ורוצין להפילו בדעתו כאלו אין לו עוד תקוה ח"ו. רק ידע ויאמין בדברי הצדיק האמת שצעק בקול גדול וחזק כי אין שום יאוש בעולם כלל. כי לגדולתו אין חקר, ובגודל רחמיו ית" יכול להפוך הכל לגמרי מרע לטוב ומעונות לזכיות ע"י תשובה!

דברי הצדיק האמת שמחזק אותנו מאד להתחזק ברצונות וכיסופים טובים להשית תמיד בהשי"ת תמיד בכל מה שעובר עלינו ומודיע לנו כי אין שום יאוש בעולם כלל. דברים אלו צריכין אנחנו ליזהר בהם להכניסם בלבנו כטל וכמטר, כי כמו הטל והמטר שיורדין טיפת מים בארץ ואח"כ צומח מהם צמחים נפלאים, כמו כן צריכין להכניס הדיבורים אלו בעומק הלב היטב עד שיצמחו בלב ויעשו פירות טובים, כי דברים אלו להתחזק בהשי"ת תמיד צריכין להאזין היטב ולהבין דבר מתוך דבר להבין היטב רמיזותיו של הצדיק עד היכן עד היכן צריכין להתחזק לעולם כי אי אפשר לבאר כלל כל הצורך בדברים הללו בפרטיות רק ברמז שמורה לך הדרך ומרמז בדרך זו תלך ועי"ז וכו' להתחזק תמיד ברצונות וכיסופים וצעקה שיש לפעמים וכו' ושאגה להשי"ת. ועי"ז בודאי יזכה סוף כל סוף לגאולה שלימה לשוב להשי"ת באמת;

עיקר עיכוב הגאולה הוא רק ע"י מחלוקת, כי בכל דור נמצאים בני אדם גדולים וחשובים שיש בהם ניצוצי דתן ואבירם, והם חותרים להרחיק מהצדיק האמת בחי' משה, ועי"ז נתגלגלו כל הצרות והחורבנות של עכשיו, אך אעפי"כ אתה מרום לעולם ה", כי גם כמו כן נמצאים בכל דור ודור צדיקים וכשרים אמתיים שהם נלוים אל הצדיק הגדול המובחר ושמחים לקראתו ושומעים לעצתו ועי"ז תבא הגאולה שלימה! יש לפעמים שדייקא כשאדם מגיע למקום נמוך ורחוק מקדושת ישראל מאד מאד שם דייקא יתעורר בהתעוררות גדול להשי"ת, ויש בזה כמה טעמים ובחינות!

FEELING SECURE IN HASHEM'S ARMS

Chapter 4 of Tehillim ends with the words, "You, Hashem, enable me to dwell alone and secure".

Reb Noson explains in "Likutei Halochos" ("Birkas HaShachar 5") that the word "alone" ("levadad" in Hebrew) is related to the practice of hisbodedus, talking privately to Hashem. He says that hisbodedus is all about realizing that you have nowhere to hide from all the troubles of this world - only in Hashem's Arms, so to speak. When you truly feel that, you stop frantically looking for solutions and run to Hashem instead, telling Him everything and asking Him to take care of you. This is precisely what gives you security.

I've tried to get a taste of this very very lofty state by looking at the word "levadad" ("לבדד"). Its first two letters make up the word "lev"("לב"), which means "the heart" in Hebrew. The last two letters, which are two "dalets", together have the gematria of 8, and can be understood as pointing to the sefirah of Binah -  the eighth sefirah if we count from the bottom up. This brings us to the famous phrase from the "Zohar": "Binah libah" ("Binah is the heart"). 

So this state of being totally secure with Hashem can be found in the deepest depths of the heart, to which this phrase probably refers. Moreover, the sefirah of Binah is related to World- to-Come, and this is when we will all merit to finally find shelter with Hashem. Yet a person who feels this way through following the advice of Rabbeinu can get a taste of the future right now.

MY OWN UNIQUE POINT

A while ago, I was really touched by the story that Yosef Karduner, a famous Breslov singer, told during one of his concerts.

He shared that, after first becoming a baal teshuvah, he'd decided to leave his musical career behind and to spend all his time learning and davening (probably joining a Breslov kollel). His friends were furious, but he ignored them completely and just did what he thought was right. Some time later he was learning Torah 34 and came upon the following idea: every person has their own unique nekudah (point) that no one else has, and in that nekudah they are a tzaddik. When Yosef Karduner read that, he realized that he should go back to music in order to share his unique nekudah with the world. And I don't even want to think about how much we would all have lost had he not come to that conclusion!

As I've said, this idea made a very deep impression on me the moment I heard it. Yet recently I've realized that in fact, Yosef Karduner offered a very novel interpretation of Torah 34! Just to remind a bit, in this Torah Rabbeinu explains that there are three points that a person needs to connect to: the point of the tzaddik (hearing or reading the tzaddik's teachings), the point of a friend (talking to friends about these teachings and avodas Hashem in general), and one's own point  (speaking to Hashem in hisbodedus). So, when Rabbeinu says that every person has a unique nekudah that no one else has, in which they are a tzaddik, he is in fact speaking about the point of a friend, not one's own point! A person has to receive from their friend something that makes that friend unique and that no one else can give, and this is the whole idea behind speaking to friends in avodas Hashem.

However, this realization did nothing to end my fascination with Yosef Karduner's idea. I'm still deeply touched by this thought: that connecting to your own point means realizing that you have unique talents and abilities, as well as by the conclusion he came to,  that every person has an obligation to share their unique nekudah with the world.

To tell the truth, before I found Rabbeinu (or rather before he found me), I didn't really  feel that I had my own nekudah. When I taught English, for example, it was because I needed to work and not because I had something to share. It has been Rabbeinu that somehow gifted me with my own point and gave me the inspiration and drive to share it with others.  So now I write Breslov divrei Torah, Breslov-inspired poems, and "Breslov programs" (practical applications of Breslov teachings) . Hey, I even make my own songs! (In this, I was probably inspired by Simcha Nanach.)

Yet the question remains: is Yosef Karduner's interpretation legitimate? Is it indeed possible to say that one's own point includes not only speaking to Hashem in hisbodedus but also developing one's unique abilities and sharing them with the world? 

I think it's possible to answer this question in the affirmative. There is a well-known idea that, when Rabbeinu said over or wrote down his Torahs, he "planted" in them the ideas that would only be needed later and that couldn't be discerned or understood by any of his contemporaries. This means that we, his later followers, have an important part to play in uncovering these hidden teachings and applying them to our own lives.

I'd like to end with this: it's very heartening and validating to think that giving to the world something that only I can give is my very own way of  going after Rabbeinu! This gives me strength, inspiration, and the will to continue.

P. S. After writing a draft version of this post, I discussed it with someone knowledgeable in Breslov teachings, and they told me (very gently) that what I'd thought to be Yosef Karduner's chiddush was actually a basic peshat of Torah 34. This probably shows two things. The first one is that I still need to study and understand way more before I, too, could consider myself knowledgeable in Breslov teachings. But I'm very comfortable with that; I feel that I've been growing much too smug lately, so it was good to receive this reality check. The second thing I've realized is even better: now I can be sure that developing my own nekudah and sharing is with others is what Rabbeinu really wants me to do. And since this post is very precious to me, I've decided to leave it as it is.

SERVING HASHEM HAPPILY

There is a first time for everything. Today it was the first time that my ten-year-old son, my youngest, my baby, didn't want me to go outside to see him off when he went to cheder in the morning. "I'm a big boy already!" he said.

I felt sad and totally unprepared, "Now, the kids are really starting to grow up! And since they're boys, this is going to be drastic and almost final. Soon they'll be off to yeshivah."

Of course, I wasn't ready to give up just yet, so I did go outside to see him off, but I came home in a very bad mood.

Then I started reading the declaration of hiskashrus to Rabbeinu that most Breslover chassidim say every morning and evening (I say it only in the morning). I soon as I uttered the words, "I hereby want to serve Hashem with emes, with emuna, and with simcha", I immediately felt better. After all, it does says in the Talmud that every person is led in the way they want to go. If I sincerely want to serve Hashem happily, then I will be given that opportunity! In every situation that He puts me into, it's possible to find joy through serving Him.

BDE Ovadia of Meron hospitality. NNNNM

#people #ovadia #meron #NaNachNachmaNachmanMayUman #nnnnm #nanach #Rabbinachman #Breslov #jewish #judaism #saba 

BREAKING OUR PASSIONS AND OUR HEART

There is a saying in Breslov, "When you break a taavah (a physical  desire), you get two!" This means that starting an all-out war with our passions doesn't really work. There has to be a better way.

Yet, since "Hashem has made one opposite the other" as it says in Koheles, there has to be a positive application of the same idea. The more we break our heart before Hashem, the stronger it gets. Suddenly, we have not one heart but many, all directed Upwards in the most powerful way!