HH
Shivchay Huran
20-23
20. And when he was living in the house of his father-in-law, when he desired to speak with the Baal Shem Tov o.b.m., that is to go to be by his grave and to request of him some request, he used to travel to the congregation of Simeeluh which was near the house of his father-in-law, and he went (on) to the grave of the famous tzadik our teacher Rav Yishayu of Yanuv o.b.m. (a disciple of the Baal Shem Tov) who rests there, and he made the aforementioned tzadik a messenger to go and notify the Baal Shem Tov o.b.m. his request, what he needed then.
21. And in the matter of the desire of eating he also had a great battle and very great exertion before he broke it, because at first he did not tend at all to breaking the desire of eating as mentioned above. Afterwards he wanted to break this desire, and it was very, very difficult and heavy upon him. And it was so difficult for him to break the desire of eating, to the extent that it seemed to him that all desires he could break except for this desire of eating, and it seemed to him that this desire of eating must inevitably remain, because it is impossible to break it - so strong was the insurgents of this desire, and even still he strengthened himself and quashed his inclination and broke also this desire of eating, completely. And the greatness of his holiness in the abstinence of the desire of eating was well-known to the eyes of all, because he did not eat at all, and also the little that he did eat was with very great necessity, and he needed to force himself with all his strength in order to eat a little, so that he would have some strength to live.
And he said, that in the beginning he started to break the desire of eating, that is, that he forced himself and accustomed himself to eat less than what he ate originally, and when he got used to this, to eating less than before, he saw that he still has desire in this eating, even though that it is less than before - and he began again to break his desire and to eat even less than this, and so too afterwards he saw that also in this (smaller amount) he still has desire - and he ate yet less; and he conducted himself this way until his eating was very, very scant and diminutive in the utmost frugality and sparing which is impossible to explain. And afterwards he came to the resolution that even though his eating is very sparse, even still he still has desire in this little that he eats - and he strengthened himself and broke the desire even in this small amount, until he broke the desire of eating completely, and he withdrew from this desire completely in the utmost holiness, until he did not have any (bodily) desire, absolutely none at all. And with all of this happening, that he was separating himself so much from eating, because of this he was not able to eat anymore at all, and apparently from his words, that afterwards he had the ability to eat in holiness without any desire whatsoever, even if he would eat a lot, however, he was unable to eat because of his habit, that he accustomed himself to eating very paltry and little.
And he said, that afterwards on the sea, when he traveled to the land of Israel, he saw then that he has no vitality from anything, so he forced himself to eat a little, and from then on he accustomed himself to eating a little; but before this he did not eat even such a diminutive consumption, because in reality even afterwards, after he was on the sea, his eating was also very, very paltry, and previously he did not eat even this scant amount.
And in the matter of his voyage to the land of Israel there is a lot to relate: the greatness of the enormous and very, very difficult suffering that he had going and returning, and the greatness of the exertions, and the miseeras nefesh (self sacrifice), and abundant impediments, that he had before he merited to come to the land of Israel, and all of this will be explained in its own small treatise further on, with the help of Hashem Yisburach, just a bit of its fringe but not all of it, because it is impossible to explain everything.
22. And in the matter of breaking all the bad traits, he was inordinate with very, overly superlative holiness, and he related a vignette regarding breaking anger, and he said, that in the beginning he was very, very greatly choleric, and afterwards, because he wanted to be a kosher man as is His will blessed He, he began to break this trait of anger, until he merited to break this trait of anger; but the acme of breaking this vice turning it around completely, that is, to turn it around to absolute good, that he should not be bothered at all whatsoever by anything, and be just good without any facet of grievance in the world - this he merited just in the land of Israel, there he merited to this, that the anger was abnegated in the utmost nullification, and he merited and became mamash (-really, actually) good, and no facet of grievance in the world remained in him, to the extent that afterwards, even someone who would do to him all the evils of the world, he did not have in his heart any facet of hatred or grievance against him, on the contrary, he would love him, and he would not have anything in his heart against him whatsoever, because he was just entirely good mamash. And the greatness of the enormity of the superlative trait of his goodness was renowned to all who knew him, because he was just entirely good without any facet of grievance and anger whatsoever, just completely good, and this he merited in the land of Israel as mentioned above.
And it is already explained in his holy books a Torah-teaching on this, that specifically in the land of Israel one merits to this aspect, which is the aspect of Erech Apayem (t.n. these are two of the 13 Divine attributes enumerated in Exodus 34:6 and are most simplistically translated as taking long to anger, that is, extremely placid and equable. However Erech Apayem is also the Hebrew for Erech Anpin - the crown Divine partzuf-countenance translated literally as Long Faced (and it is the anthropomorphic home of all the Thirteen Divine Attributes which correspond to thirteen areas of the beard), and it is in this paradigm where everything is good and there is no trace of evil, and it is hence the root of all good temperament, and this is the paradigm Rabbainu keyed into and ascended), the opposite of anger and wrath, and it was for this Moshe Rabbainu desired (to enter) Israel etc., as it is written (Exodus 34:8), "And Moshe hurried and he bowed with his face to the ground;" and our Rabbis of blessed memory (Sanhedrin 111a) expounded: what did he see? - he saw Erech Apayem etc., see there.
And of the attribute of humility he boasted of himself immensely, that he is humble in the acme of humility, and he said, there is no one that merits to true humility except someone who is on this level that he can say of himself that he is humble, like Moshe Rabbainu r.i.p. who wrote of himself (Numbers 12:3), "And the man Moshe was very humble more than all mankind etc.," and like we find in the words of our Rabbis of blessed memory (Sotah 49b, and see all of this in Likutay Moharan, Torah-teaching 147), that Rav Yosef said: "Do not list (amongst the forgone traits) humility, because there is I;" and he of blessed memory was in this aspect, and he posted of himself of his enormous virtue/height in the attribute of humility in the utmost complete (self) nullification.
23. And he said, that he is humble in the acme of humility in all his limbs; because there is one who is humble but the humility is not in the heart, and there is (one) - who is humble but the humility does not reach some limb; but by him the humility is in its acme in all of his limbs, because his heart and all his limbs are in the pinnacle of (self) nullification.
Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman
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