The Praises of Rabbi Nachman 17-19

HH

Shivchay Huran

17-19

17. He also said, that the conjugation of the true tzadik is a very difficult matter for him; and not only does he not have any desire whatsoever, just on the contrary, he has suffering from this, mamash (-literally) like the suffering of an infant during circumcision, because mamash suffering such as this the tzadik has during conjugation, and more than this, because the infant doesn't have intellect, therefore his suffering is not so great, but the tzadik who does have intellect, his suffering is greater then the infant, and this was an obvious matter by him. And he said, that every person can merit to come to this level, and it was apparent from his words that his own holiness was yet very extremely higher.

18. And he said, that by him a man and a woman are equal, that is, that no facet of thought occurs to him when he sees a woman, just everything is the same by him in his eyes, as if he sees a man. And one time he said, that he has no fear, not from a woman and not from an angel. And with this there's a lot to explain, because someone who still has any facet of fear whatsoever from thoughts of women, even if he is chaste in this regard, just that he's not immaculate in the utmost purity, and he still has some fear at all with this, he needs to fear from an angel; but he (Rabbainu) boasted that he has absolutely no fear of this, therefore he has no fear of an angel. This is slightly alluded to in the words of our Rabbis of blessed memory (Kedushin 81a): "I am flesh, and you are fire - but I am better/stronger than you," which Rav Amram Chasiduh said to the angel, and it is brought down in his words of blessed memory in the Torah-teaching "Tikoo (blast the shofar) - memshalu (dominion)" Torah 1 in the second volume of Likutay Moharan, see there well, and understand.

19. He was also very accustomed in his early childhood and in his youth to run over all the time to be by the grave of the Baal Shem Tov za.tza.viku.l. to request of him that he help him draw close to Hashem Yisburach. And he used to go there at night, and in the winter when it was extremely cold he would go there at night and from there he returned and went to the mikvah. And there was a mikva outside the bathhouse and one mikvah inside the bath house, and he chose the mikvah that was outside the bathhouse, when the cold was great and he was already very cold from being by the aforementioned grave, because there was a great distance between his house and the cemetery and also from the cemetery to the mikva, besides for the lengthy stay that he spent by the grave, even still after all this he would specifically go to immerse in the mikvah which stood outside, in order to mortify himself - and all of this secretly at night. And I heard from someone who said that he heard from his holy mouth, that when he performed these practices he was just six years old.

And he was so secretive from people in his devotions, to the extent that one time he went to the mikvah in the morning in the winter, and he came from the immersion, and his pehyos (sidelocks) were wet from the water, and everyone wondered at the oddity that in the winter a person would wash his head, because it did not occur to them that he had been in the mikvah, they just thought that he washed his head, and they wondered at his peculiarity that he washed his head in such cold, and they held it to be an act of his immaturity, because he was very, very secretive in his devotion. Also all the very many fasts that he fasted, absolutely no one in the world knew about them, even his father and his mother and his relatives, just his wife alone knew of it, and he would swear her that she should not reveal it to anyone, and he would do many (many) ruses to hide and to conceal all the fasting that he fasted, in such a way that no one would know of them.

Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman!

The Praises of Rabbi Nachman 11-13

HH

Shivchay Huran

11-13

11. And some times he would be speaking before Hashem Yisburach words of beseeching and supplication from his heart and it occurred to him while he was speaking nice arguments and fitting and articulate prayers, and they were good in his eyes and he would write them to have by him to remember, in order that he could also pray them frequently afterwards. And so he was accustomed in this matter to speak between himself and his Creator very very copiously, and all the prayers were that he should merit to draw close to Hashem Yisburach, and he had great arguments to Hashem Yisburach on this.

12. ‎And even still it seemed to him always that he was not being looked at at all and he was not being heard at all, just on the contrary, it seemed to him that he was being alienated from His service blessed He with all types of alienation as if he was not desired at all whatsoever. Because he would see the changing and passing of many many days and years and he was still distant from a Hashem Yisburach, and still had not merited to be drawn any closer, therefore it seemed in his eyes that his words were not being heard at all and absolutely no attention was being given to him, just on the contrary, he was being alienated with all types of alienation from His service blessed He. But even still he would strengthen himself tremendously and would not leave his place. And there were times that he was disheartened because he saw that he prays, pleads, and implores so much that he should be drawn close to the service of Hashem Yisburach but was not looked upon at all, and because of this he fell sometimes disheartened and he would not speak so much between himself and his Creator for some days. Afterwards he would be conscious of himself and would be embarrassed of himself that he suspected His attributes/conduct blessed He, because in reality certainly Hashem Yisburach is gracious and merciful etc. and certainly He desires to draw him close etc. and he returned and strengthened his resolve, and he began again to plead and speak before Hashem Yisburach as mentioned above. And so it was many times.

13. And he would do all types of simple devotions of service of Hashem without any smarts ("chuchmos") and all with great secrecy/modesty. And immediately upon going outside he would purposely do all types of childish things, all types of silliness and prancing and other similar things (which are called in Yiddish far shaitkait) until it was not possible for it to occur to anyone that he desired the service of Hashem.

And in the beginning in his childhood he was accustomed to taking some large coins and he would change them for small ones, and he would enter the synagogue secretly through the window and so forth and he took with him the book "Shaaray (gates of) Tzion (Zion)," and he would say the lishaim (for the sake of) yichud (unification) for doing a mitzva (a declaration stating one's intent in doing the deed is for the sake Heaven to unify the Divine Names with proper fulfillment of the deed with love and fear and in the name of all of Israel), and he took one small coin and threw it into the "matan (given) bisaiser (in secrecy) (i.e. a charity box designated as such)." And afterwards he made himself as if he was abstracted from it, and afterwards he returned and said the aforementioned lishaim yichud and returned and threw one penny into the "matan bisaiser." And so he returned and did many times until he threw all the pennies into the "matan bisaiser," and upon every single penny he said the aforementioned lishaim yichud. And his intention was in order to do many mitzvos, because his devotion was with absolute simplicity without any smarts ("chuchmos")  whatsoever.

And similarly he would do and serve Hashem Yisburach with all types of absolutely simple devotions without any smarts (-chuchmos) whatsoever, even though in reality he was enormously wise with very extreme superlative wisdom even in his childhood and in his youth as was widely known to all who knew him, even still he did not use any smarts whatsoever in the service of Hashem and was just accustomed to doing all the simple devotions of the world. That is, studying a lot of Torah, good deeds, and abundant prayers and supplications, and very abundant hisbodidus, to speak and express his words before Him blessed He as mentioned above, and so forth. And this was his essential phenomenally great wisdom, because from his utter superlative wisdom he merited immediately to this wisdom that no wisdom whatsoever is necessary for the service of Hashem. Because this is the fundamental greatest wisdom of all (as is explained in our words many times), not to be smart at all in the service of Hashem, just (to conduct) with unfeigned wholeheartedness and simplicity without any smarts (-chuchmos) whatsoever.

Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman

The Praises of Rabbi Nachman 4-7

HH

Shivchay Huran

4-7

4. Also in his childhood he began to study with very tremendous diligence in his studies, and he would pay the teacher from his (own) pocket three large coins for every daf (-two sides of a page) of Talmud that he would learn with him, besides for the tuition of the tutelage that is father paid the teacher, he himself of blessed memory would give the teacher from his own (money) three large coins for every single daf, in order that the teacher would force himself to learn with him many dafim (pages) of Talmud every day. And so it was, that the teacher would learn with him many, many dafim every single day, and he would pay him as mentioned previously three large coins for every single daf besides for the tuition of tutelage.

5. ‎And so he entered into the devotion of Hashem, and all his devotion was with very extremely great secrecy/modesty, to the extent that absolutely no one new of him at all, because he was very concealed and hidden. And all his devotion was in concealment with great privacy. And his main devotion at first was with great simplicity without any smarts whatsoever, just with absolute simplicity, and every single thing that he did, everything was with great exertion and with great force and mesiras nefesh (self-sacrifice). And there is no matter of devotion which came to him easily, just every single thing came to him with very great exertion, that he would exert himself many times for every single matter of the devotion of Hashem. And he had many, many ups and downs, thousands and myriads beyond measure and reckoning.

And it was very extremely difficult and heavy upon him to begin to enter the devotion of Hashem to accept upon himself the yolk of His devotion blessed He. And he would frequently begin for a few days to engage in the devotion of Hashem, and afterwards would fall from it, and would return to begin, and would return and fall. And so it was many, many times until one time (t.n. there is a dream regarding this) he gained conviction that he would be very strong, that he would hold to devotion of a Hashem forever, and he would not look upon anything in the world. And from then on his heart was strengthened in Hashem, but even still even afterwards he constantly had very, very many ups and downs, just that afterwards he was strong that he would not let up His devotion blessed He forever, even though at times he will have a descent, even still he would strengthen himself in the devotion of Hashem Yisburach as much as he can.

6. And he used to begin each time anew, that is when he would sometimes fall from his level he would not despair of himself because of this, rather he would say that he would start anew as if he did not begin yet at all to enter His devotion blessed He, just now he is starting new. So it was every single time, always he used to begin anew, and he had many beginnings in one day, for even in one day sometimes he fell from his devotion and would begin anew, and so forth many times in one day.

7. And he studied with tremendous diligence and he learned a very great deal; "shas (Talmud)," and "poskim (halachic deciders)," and "Ta.Na.Ch. (Torah, Neveim-prophets, Kesuvim-scriptures)," and "Ain Yaakov (an anthology of the agada of the Talmud with commentaries)," and the books of the Zohar, and Tikunay Zohar, and all the "Kisvay (writings of) Hu-Ari (The lion, also acronym Rabbi Isaac (Luria)) o.b.m., and a vast amount of the other books, and "sifray (books of) mussar (ethics)," very abundantly.

And he said: that all the small books that speak of mussar (ethics), all of them where in his father's house. And he studied from all of them. He also learned a lot of "Raishis Chuchmuh (Beginning of Knowledge, a work of ethics authored by a disciple of the Ramak, based on Kabbalah)," and he said explicitly: that he learned the book Raishis Chuchmuh countless times (t.n. see the Words of Yisroel Dov Odesser where he tells over about R' Tzvi Hersch Rosenthal who was very keen on this work).

And the greatness of his vast proficiency in all the books as can be seen ostensibly somewhat, was without limit, and especially in the books of Ta.Na.Ch. and Ain Yaakov and all the Kisvay Hu-Ari and the books of the Zohar and Tikunim there is no one in the world to be found of his caliber. Because the whole Torah in its entirety was ready before him, fluent in his mouth, like a set table mamash, like something placed before the person before his eyes so that he could take for himself what he desires, similarly all the holy books were mamash set before the eyes of his holy intellect whenever he desired. And a bit of this can be seen and discerned in his holy books.

Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman!